4/10/2025

These appointments leave me irritated

In one way or another it’s the same conversation

“Slow down”

They all unanimously advise

This isn’t the first time I’ve sat across people insistent on this point

I’d wave away the remark

Push my body harder

Role my eyes and mutter, “Watch me”

I manage every diagnosis

Take the pills, do the procedures

But don’t stop

My therapists have highlighted how I neglect Her

Now, I’m being told I neglect my body too

I argue my points

Attempt to dismiss their comments

But this time they don’t let it go

Suddenly, I don’t feel I have a choice

But then I think, I do- I could do nothing

She looking at my chart

Then checks my pulse

My pulse of life, energy- low

I’d say it’s reflective of how I feel

Of how invested I am in this world

Again, the words are said to me, “The answer is to slow down”

I crack a dismissive joke

Which only seems to make her more frank

“The answer you’re seeking is to slow down”

“Look,..I get the sense you’re brilliant and have figured out a way to run from a painful past”

I attempt to deflect…

“You have created a whole other life for yourself. Decades of this is catching up. You’re not young anymore… the answer is to- slow. down.”

My voice surprises me when I share, “I can’t- Don’t know how”

“…You can stop running now”

She leaves me with an answer I don’t want to hear

And one I don’t know where to begin with