4/10/2025

I think I’ve been in this hole for the better part of a year

Something’s off

It’s hard to catch when I’m in it

The remnants of the past call to me

Luring me into this hole

They sing me the lullaby of death…

The world around me feels fake

It’s unsafe and distant

I slowly push through the atmosphere like molasses

I often feel like a corpse

Some zooned out zombie

Half dead…. half alive

I prefer this at times

It’s familiar

I keep Her locked in a room

Down a very long hallway

I can feel Her and I can hear Her

But I don’t dare look back…

It’s hard…

I try but sometimes it’s better to feel nothing

I feel the pressure build inside me

It’s crawling under my skin

…so-I make it stop…

When it hits— there’s this relief

The other night it triggered a purge

As I slipped into death the tears fell

Tears of gratitude- for the relief

Tears of disappointment- for my cowardness

If I surrender to death

Then I don’t have to witness my cowardness

And I certainly don’t have to acknowledge how sad of a person I truly am…