2/22/2025

I often wonder about how other women experience this

It’s not something I question out loud

Logically, I know it had nothing to do with me

But a louder part recognizes she birthed her greatest pain

I've spent my entire existence knowing I wasn’t wanted

I haven’t found a way to undo it…

I think it’s something i’m suppose to live with

You pick up the pieces,… carry them, and keep moving

Regardless of the cards you were dealt…

… the mother you got…

Life knows how to trigger the unwelcomed thought

“I want my mom”

It’s followed by this strong urge to pick up the phone and call a women who loves me more than anyone on this planet

A women, who may not be perfect but loves me more than she loves her pain

She's always rooting for me

Always knows what to say

She’s my biggest cheerleader

(Even knowing all my mess)

She's always protecting me

Making sure i’m taken care of…

Despite reality Im pulled into this fantasy

It only lasts a fraction of a second

I almost instantly remember… there is no one to call

Over and over I relive the experience

Like i’m hearing the news for the first time…

“You have no mother to call”

It doesn’t hurt like it use to

Having someone to call is like winning the lottery

I don’t think people truly appreciate what an amazing gift it is to have a mother to call…

A mother who picks up

Who shows up…

But, I think I still get stuck

Guilt always lingers in the corners of my grief

At least my mother, isn’t dead….

Right?…